To The Gentleman To My Left At The Concert
You sat to my left at the concert in Toronto on the 14th. I noticed you seemed to be a bit perplexed by me and my actions during the concert. Indeed, perplexed may not be a strong enough word. You appeared downright disturbed. To help allay your concerns, I thought I’d answer some of the questions that seemed to occur to you. So, without further ado:
2) Yes, really.
3) A sock.
4) Again, yes, really.
5) Because I like to. Because they are awesome. Because it’s my job. Because it helps me respond with more grace to the antics of others.
6) Indeed, I do think it’s an appropriate thing to do at a concert.
7) For a variety of reasons. Namely, because it is quiet. The sound of yarn against yarn or the sound of needle on needle is far quieter than, just for example, the braying of your ringing phone and your loud conversations. Because it is discrete. My knitting does not emit light, unlike (again, just for example) your phone as you send text message after text message. Because it can be done while remaining within the confines of my allotted seat. My knitting can be accomplished while keeping both my elbows and my knees to myself, unlike (once again, just for example) your phone conversation, which seemed to demand a truly impressive amount of gesticulation (hint, your conversational partner can not see you).
So sir, please do not be alarmed. And don’t worry, knitting is easy to learn. If you’ll just put your cell phone away, I’ll be happy to show you how. In no time at all, you too can be behaving appropriately in public.
The Irritated Knitter to Your Right